I have to leave town. I have to get away from this mess I’ve pulled myself into. I have to leave her. I have to forget about her and move on to a new life. I’m going to head up north for a while and see where that takes me. I’ll tell my boss I need a leave of absence. 

My irrevocable and enduring love for Rachel stands in the way; it feels like I’m in a rush for something I can’t hold on to… I need time to slow down a bit. Rachel seeps deeper and deeper into my heart, forming a hole. I feel weak. I need to clear my head. Goodbye Rachel. Enjoy life with Richard. I’ll be fine, don’t worry. Don’t worry.

It was Wednesday yesterday. I went to Pier del Teatro just to clear my thoughts. I felt that my life was getting a little bit complicated, and playing guitar at my favorite spot with the ocean as my audience was the solution. I needed simplicity in my life.

I was at the Pier for at least 3 hours. Time flies when you’re thinking. I wrote a song about Rachel. I wrote about my feelings toward her. It was so moving to write about her, thinking about her beauty, gentle kindness, and loving care. I’m not going to lie but I cried a few times as I was writing this. Yes, I know, I’m a sentimental guy, and I love it.

I want to perform it for her sometime. I think she would like it; I really hope so.

Here are a few lines from my song, “Radiating Rachel”

When I see you, my heart beats loud,

So loud, it mutes the sounds of the crowd,

Your voice is like a melody,

So gentle, so beautiful, it resonates with me.

Your beauty, your smile, nothing can compare,

You see me, I see you, and we know, love is there.

My O My, Rachel sure knows how to please me! It’s the little things about her that I find so attractive. Richard was on a business trip, and I spent the day at their house. We played guitar and sang some songs. I taught her the solo in “Landslide” by Fleetwood Mac. As I was teaching her the solo, I found some weird but appealing things about her:

1.) She breathes at an irregular pace when she gets nervous

2.) She says “rats!” when she makes a mistake on the guitar*

3.) Her knuckles start to get red and hot when she feels rushed

Noticing these little things make me feel one step closer to her. In the end, she got the solo down! I hope we do a duet performance at Lestat’s some time and sing “Landslide” together! I play the chords and she plays the solo! Yes, just thinking about it gives me butterflies. Music and love. What can be better?

*My favorite

It’s been a while since my last post! I’ve been busy writing songs and visiting Rachel at her house. Her house is warm and inviting, and like I thought, it’s filled with fond and bright memories. Richard and Rachel are also such great hosts! They’ve lived in that house for over three years! Richard is a wonderful man, such a gentleman. He is the chef of the household. Ah! I shall take up that skill with much enthusiasm! I’ll certainly be watching Barefoot Contessa on the Food Network to enhance my cooking techniques! Bon Appetit!

On my first visit, she showed me around the house. You know where she first brings me? Her art room! It was incredible. It is a loft where the muses inspire her next creation! Depth and creativity fill this sacred space. I am content and satisfied being in this room with her. 

After the tour, we all sit down and have dinner. Richard made his favorite dish, Risotto alla Milanesa with cauliflower cheese on the side. It was one of the best meals I’ve ever had! Was I in Florence? The dinner conversation was lively. Richard, why! He's very sophisticated. And like me, he is a deep thinker. He has great taste in music as well! We went deep into discussion about all the concerts we’ve attended. Funnily enough, we have both gone to the Coachella Music Festival for the past five years! Small world, isn’t it? I have a lot of respect for Richard. I’m pleased to see that he treats Rachel well, as he should.

The best part of the night was hearing Rachel’s laugh. It is so cheerful, so happy. It certainly resonates with me. I would be a happy man if I heard that laugh every day.

It was a night to remember. Cheers to life!

Rachel is on my mind. She is the love of my life. Who knew the heart had such strong emotions? The heart moves the mind, ’tis never the other way around. Love brings you to a whole new world, one of lust and sentiment. I need to see her. Every second of the day, every minute of the night. 

Not a day goes by when I don’t stop to think about her. She is perfection. An angel! I may say. She has utterly captivated me. I need to see her soon before the image of her fades.

I can’t get the image of Rachel out of my head. I vividly remember that special night. I remember laughter, energy, and happiness. These moments with her make my heart feel tender, a good tender that is. Talking to her made me feel alive. 

Aah, I take a deep breath. Then, I float, reaching a new level of exquisite awareness. I close my eyes and take in what surrounds me. And in that moment, I am infinite.

But then, I’m distraught by what I’ve lost: the possibility of love. Oh, how I love her so much! I want to hold her in my arms, stroke her air, and kiss her soft skin. I want her completely. There are many intimate moments still to share. We complete each other. Yes! I’m in love. I’m in love with a woman who’s married.