Rachel is on my mind. She is the love of my life. Who knew the heart had such strong emotions? The heart moves the mind, ’tis never the other way around. Love brings you to a whole new world, one of lust and sentiment. I need to see her. Every second of the day, every minute of the night. 

Not a day goes by when I don’t stop to think about her. She is perfection. An angel! I may say. She has utterly captivated me. I need to see her soon before the image of her fades.

I can’t get the image of Rachel out of my head. I vividly remember that special night. I remember laughter, energy, and happiness. These moments with her make my heart feel tender, a good tender that is. Talking to her made me feel alive. 

Aah, I take a deep breath. Then, I float, reaching a new level of exquisite awareness. I close my eyes and take in what surrounds me. And in that moment, I am infinite.

But then, I’m distraught by what I’ve lost: the possibility of love. Oh, how I love her so much! I want to hold her in my arms, stroke her air, and kiss her soft skin. I want her completely. There are many intimate moments still to share. We complete each other. Yes! I’m in love. I’m in love with a woman who’s married.

Love found me. It’s clear to me that I have fallen into a whole new world filled with indescribable ecstasy. Before I get carried away, let me tell of my first encounter with love.

It was Friday night. I was planning to go out with a couple friends to get a quick dinner and then head over to Lestat’s Coffee House, a music venue where local talent performs in a vibrant and casual atmosphere. Aah, yes, there’s nothing more pleasing than listening to music with friends!I believe music has the ultimate power to create memories. Why not share these moments with your friends? I always look forward to these nights.

So my friends pick me up from the apartment and as I get in the car, I know tonight’s going to be a great night. The music is thumping and the energy is high. Yes, tonight’s going to be a great night. I can feel it.

After our dinner, we head over to Lestat’s. I have performed there a couple times. But tonight, I want to sit back, relax, and watch others sing their hearts out. It’s nice to see others feel that same thrill when they’re on stage. Seeing this, you already feel a deep connection with the performers. 

The night is clicking. People are performing songs, filling the room with different moods. Some are sentimental, some are entertaining, and some want to make you get up and dance. 

After an energetic song, the MC gets on stage. “Alright folks, we have our last performer. This is her first time performing here. Let’s give it up for Rachel Warner.” Everyone starts to clap. A figure emerges from the shadows and wow, this woman is stunning. I am glued to her crystal blue eyes. Her skin was light brown, with freckles scattered over her face like paint splattered onto a wall. She is a piece of art. She has this smile that is not only beautiful, but also friendly. What I find so special about this woman is the way she carries herself. She walks on stage with a straightforward yet innocent look. Many women I’ve met in the past are too confident, presenting themselves in a showcase manner. They want to impress others by showing how pretty they are. Rachel, however, is different. She is a natural beauty.  The selfless and independent look is in her eyes. I know deep down that she has thought to herself, “I’m pretty in my own way.” Yes, she is this, perfect in her own way, drawing me in even closer. My heart beats like never before.

She sits down and holds her guitar. Why! Guitar! We have similar interests! I can already imagine us singing and playing guitar together. She speaks to the mic, “Hello, I’ll be playing my favorite song. It’s ‘Yesterday’ by the Beatles.” I can tell from her voice that she has butterflies in her stomach. I know that feeling, because I get it every time I go on stage. It’s the best part. The day I don’t get that feeling is the day I’ll stop performing. I whisper to myself, “It’s okay Rachel. I’m here for you. Sing free like no one’s watching.” It feels like I’ve known her for so long. 

She takes a deep breath, pauses, and begins to strum. As the chords vibrate the floor, we hear her voice. I am already mesmerized. Her voice is graceful but also assertive, caressing but also strong, and resonant but also luxuriant. I am blown away. I hear my friend in the back say, “Woah, she has the voice of an angel, it’s like a combination of Fergie and Jesus.” I am high off her voice, levitating. Never in my life have I felt so in the moment. Those two minutes of her singing felt like ten minutes to me. As  her last note fades, people start to applaud, with loud whistles coming from the back. Transfixed by those moments in heaven with Rachel, I sit there with my eyes and mouth wide open.  Soon enough, I return from my dream state. I can’t keep my eyes off her. I am caught in her eyes. I whisper to myself, “Love has found me… I am in love.” 

People exit the venue as the MC concludes with a few words and thanks. Most go straight to the door, I go straight to Rachel. She is putting her guitar in her case, and I approach her in a determined yet gentle manner. Mixed thoughts and emotions stream through me. I am nervous, but also excited.

“Hello there,” I say.

“Oh, hello there,” she responds, looking up.

“I just wanted to say you touched my heart with that beautiful voice and song of yours. Thank you.”

With a surprised smile, she looks into my eyes and says, “Wow. Well, thank you. Thank you very much. I’ve never received such a genuine and kind compliment.” She then stands up, still looking at me. “What’s your name?”

I kiss her hand, “Henry. Henry Neuer. Pleasure.”

“Pleasure as well.”

“I would love talk to you. Can I buy you a cup of coffee?”

“Sounds lovely.”

I tell my friends I will catch them later. We walk to the Coffee Shop. We sit down and talk, nursing our coffee. I learn many things about her. She’s an aspiring artist, and she plays guitar in her free time. “Guitar calms me down. It’s so therapeutic. It clears my mind and warms me up for my next art piece.” I find this fascinating, and I tell her about my own weekly ride up to Pier del Teatro where I play guitar in the open. There is a natural connection between us. Our eyes never drift away from each other; we listen closely and laugh easily. The chemistry is there. I feel it, and I know she does too. We are in the moment. 

Suddenly, Rachel’s phone rings. She answers the phone, “Hi honey.” She has a big smile on her face. She is on the phone for a few minutes, laughing and chuckling. I sit there, puzzled by the scene unfolding in front of me. Who is she talking to? My heart races faster and faster. She returns from her phone conversation, still smiling.

“Sorry about that. Now, what were we talking about?”

“Not a problem. Who were you talking to?” I ask.

“Oh, that was my husband, Richard.”

Richard, Husband. Rachel, Wife. Richard and Rachel, Husband and wife. These words run through my head. Is this real, or am I dreaming?

It’s awfully late, I need a break! I will reflect on this later. It’s best I get some sleep, if I can.

Love. Hmm, a complicated word that is.  Love is deceiving, sometimes momentary, and finding love will bring you down a road of unfixed emotions. Love is not something you find. It finds you.

Love will come to you, I promise. Be in the present moment, and never think about the signs of love. It’s instinct. Love will find ME sometime, I know it. I feel it in my bones. So for now, take a step back and enjoy what you have. Life’s too precious to only think about your future desires instead of what you have. Don’t let the present moment go to waste.

Why can’t others enjoy what’s in front of them? Why can’t others spend less time thinking about what brings them down and instead cherish what brings them up? Are our minds attracted to only remembering the bad moments? It hurts to see others who don’t know how to live. If we thought about all the great moments in our lives, we would be happy. We would be more in the present, creating shining moments and sharing unforgettable memories with each other. That is the state of human nature and the secret to the human connection. To be in the moment. That is my dream, I gladly confess. But right now, adults and children wander this earth in a daze, with no path of their own to follow. Colorblind. The world to many is black and white. They don’t allow themselves to discover the beautiful opportunities in this world of dazzling color.

Aah, the simple days. My favorite book, my favorite smoothie, and my second home, Ontai Beach, all in one package on a beautiful day. Simplicity. Ah, nice word isn’t it? Simplicity. Simplicity. Simplicity. It never gets old. If only this word could describe us. It’s a shame. My favorite philosopher, Confucius, once said:

“Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.”

Amen! It’s the simple things in life that make life easy. People need to take a step back and make time to enjoy the simple things in life. Many people find that love is complicated. False, we only make it complicated because we think too much about it. To love is only natural; but to forcefully love is never natural. You must be true to human nature when you love, and that means the little things in life. Those are the undiscovered windows of happiness. Find time to enjoy the present. Divide up your time, some for your work and some for your love, if you have one. Working as an agent at the Real Estate Company “Schwabbs,” does not define my life. I make time for the little things, which include playing guitar, performing on stage, and going to the beach. It’s all about the little things. Life’s too short. Enjoy it while it lasts.

Charlie- the main character in The Perks of Being a Wallflower- really relates to me. Although I am not a wallflower, we are similar in other ways. We are deep thinkers, and we view life from various perspectives. We pause, enjoying what lies in front of us. We also adapt easily to the new changes in our life. Change is a reality; it’s up to us how to handle it. I agree with Charlie’s statement:

“Things change. And friends leave. Life doesn't stop for anybody.”

It’s nice to find another me. Our minds are clear, clear from all the complicated ties in our lives. And in this clear world, I withdraw into myself, and discover a world free from fear of the future. I’m free and I’m open. Simple is a way to describe it. Yes, dear friends, take what’s simple and live life by the day. I hope there’s someone like Charlie in the real world.

“Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to be free

Blackbird fly, blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night

Blackbird fly, blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
You were only waiting for this moment to arise.”

Oh! With absolute certainty, “Blackbird” is my favorite song. What a soothing sound to the ears! This song is me, and it fills me with pure happiness and song-sung joy. This song tells the natural beauty that life has to offer- what surrounds me, what resonates with me, what fills the air: love, joy, and happiness. It makes me fly away and explore the lovely life given to me. Fifteen minutes from where I reside- Laguna Beach- I drive to my little getaway every Wednesday at six in the morning: Pier del Teatro. With the endless sea in front of me, I play my guitar, and with no people near, I close my eyes and sing at the top of my lungs. A pleasing serenity holds my entire soul and slowly kisses my gentle heart. The chorus comes and I fly, fly like the birds, and I find the light that brings me to tranquility. I smell the nature with delight; I feel the ocean current approach me; I feel the presence of the Almighty who created this spectacle in front of me, the breath of the All-loving who carries us to perpetual bliss. My heart, my guitar, and the ocean, all flow to the same beat, melody, and rhythm; we are one. Together forever.

I live for the present moment. And in this moment, I am infinite. Enjoy it. Because it’s happening. Every day is a gift; every day is a new day promising new discoveries. It’s up to you to find them. I am in between dreams, and I am in good spirits.