It was a grey Monday morning. Henry gazed out the window and saw nothing but his reflection. Henry knew the time had come, and living was no longer an option. 

He was found in his apartment, laying flat on the bed. Spots of blood were scattered on the floor. His right wrist had deep cuts, so deep that blood soaked the sheets. Next to his wrist was a sharp knife, also amassed with blood. Henry laid there, dead. 

Under the bed a letter was found. The letter was a song, and on the back of it was blood. The following words were written in this blood:

To you my love.

-H

To the Readers of This Blog

We are the close friends of Henry Neuer. His death was a tragic one, and he will certainly be remembered as the selfless man who cared deeply for others.  Many of Henry's true emotions were poured onto this blog, so we thought it best to gather all relevant information regarding the details of his untimely death. May he rest in peace.

Suffer. Pain. Isolation. Grief. Despair. Death.

#myonlythoughts #myonlyemotions 

Goodbye my love. Goodbye my Rachel.

Here’s my last song about you, Rachel. It’s different from the others. More different than anything I’ve ever written. I wrote it from the heart. I hope you hear me and feel my soul in this song. 

I left the title blank. You can fill it in if you so wish.

Love, you’ve changed me.

Not for the better, but for the worse.

You’ve constantly thrown me to the ground,

Those cries in my heart were daily sounds.

The internal pain became the external pain,

Tearing me day by day, piece by piece.

The last piece left was the piece of love and hope, 

Weak, but still standing.

Love, you tortured me.

You made me think love was coming to me,

But the devil you are, ‘twas never reality.

You waited to see my state of mind, hiding there,

And then, with full force and throttle, you ripped that last piece,

Leaving me in darkness, distress, and despair.

I fall, I cry,

So much pain,

I want to die.

So fare you well, Love,

So cruel, so evil,

I will never see you in the life up above.

Rachel called me last night. She said she only wanted to talk. It was nice to hear her voice; it’s so soothing to the ears. It was only a few seconds during the phone conversation that we dove deeply into each other’s thoughts. She said she wanted me to see her. 

“I need to tell you something.”

Her tone when she said this was not one of love and heartfelt emotion. Her voice was so stale. It didn’t come from the heart. 

“What is it you want to tell me?” I asked.

“Henry, Richard and I are having a baby. I’m pregnant.”

At that moment, I felt a stab in my heart. It was so painful to hear her voice now. This stab left a wound that will never be healed. 

I was silent. I couldn’t move or blink. I felt my heart go numb.

Several seconds of silence went by, and in a light voice, she said,

“Henry? Hello?”

I was in utter despair. Soon enough, I hung up the phone, still in a daze. I felt time stop, and a sense of finality crept in my heart.

There was no light anymore, only darkness. I floated into a deep dark hole. Once you’re in that hole, you can never get out. It hit me then and there. Why should I live if living is darker than death? Love is lost and will never be found. I’m stuck on this dark road; there’s no bypass, there’s no detour, there’s no exit; there’s only one destination: death.

I haven’t been outside much. I’ve been a willing captive in my room, writing songs, dark songs that is. These dark songs are about you, Rachel. I dream about you, Rachel. I dream about us escaping to a whole new world where transparent love lies between us and lust and intense emotion grab us to the highest level of eternity. Oh! How it makes me smile just thinking about it! We are destined to be together, Rachel. I just wanted to confirm that.

I haven’t made many friends here. I’m self-absorbed by my love and heartfelt passion for you! You’re the only person who gets me, who understands me, who loves me! I pretend you’re in my room with me, listening to my songs about you. I see you cry with ever so love and passion! And I swear, I’m not dreaming! When I’m cold, your soft skin warms me up. 

Here are a few lines from my new song Rachel. It’s a little different to my other song. But it’s deep, like our love is deep.

It’s called “Rachel- My Darkness of Light, My Light of Darkness”

Light. Darkness. Shadow. Silhouette. Tessellate.

My love, you emulate these mixed patterns of life,

Resulting in unstable emotions, which only aggravate.

But your image of beauty strikes me, no strife.

I’m up, I’m down. 

I smile, but most of the time, I frown.

It’s hard for me to turn that frown upside down. 

Pain of love and love of pain; they numb me, they paralyze me.

With a high frequency, they hit me like a dark melody.

I sense, I feel, I fear,

Yes, my love, death is near.

I miss home. Have you ever had that feeling when you are so depressed that you don’t want to get out and do anything? All you want to do is stay in your bed and avoid the light outside? Well, that’s me. My image of life is getting dimmer and dimmer. I am not in good spirits. My love for Rachel has taken over me, controlling my mind and making me doubt myself. What is the purpose of living if life is so damn complicated?

Rachel is the only thing on my mind. She moves me in the ever-most subtle ways. She’s deceptive, cunning, and passively destructive. She’s a mystery to me that I need to solve. She’s a disease that is so insidious it harms me. But for some reason, I like the effect it has on me. It brings me to a new state of mind. My love for her is incurable. Love hurts, as they say.

Should I call her? No, I shouldn’t. Don’t do what your heart tells you to do. Distance is what you need right now. Focus on your music. Time, Henry, time.